The Joy of Naps

I have never been a napper (in my adult life - apparently, I was a perfect sleeper when I was little and slept about three times as much as Ellie did). I normally take hours to fall asleep, which makes napping pretty useless.

But this last month, I have needed naps like never before. When Ellie and I are home alone, she often lets me sleep for 30-60 minutes while she plays on her own. Isaac has been very kind on weekends to let me take 3-hour naps in the afternoon. This afternoon, I told him that I wasn't very tired, but that my back hurt and I needed to lie down. Three blissful hours of nap later, I emerged refreshed.

Why can I nap for three hours and not need to go to the bathroom, but I can't do it at night? Maybe that's why naps are so good! Isaac says it might be because I view naps as a pleasant bonus with no pressure, but feel pressure at night to get a good sleep. Whatever it is, I am so much more comfortable physically during a nap than at night. Maybe it's having the whole (double) bed to myself!

Choices

Isaac and I recently read the book Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. (It made us want to read Boundaries with Kids by the same authors, which we'll work on soon.) One of the premises is that as parents, our job is to prepare children to make right choices as they grow up. Once we have established respect and obedience in our children, we need to focus on helping them become autonomous, responsible, and independent, able to control themselves and their choices.

When Ellie is no longer under our control, we want her to be responsible for herself and to choose to love God and love people. In order to prepare her to make these choices as a teen and adult, we need to start now, when the consequences are less. The book made me think about how autocratic I want to be as a parent, and what responsibilities I am willing to give Ellie.

I think Isaac and I have been pretty good at empowering Ellie and encouraging her to be independent. We have also been decent at giving her choices (within boundaries, of course) and letting her make decisions. But I think we can do this more deliberately than we've been doing.

With 4-year-olds, the dumbest choices become very important. This afternoon, Ellie was making a bed on the floor with couch pillows. She wanted the ones behind me, which I need for my back. I explained her choices: she could get her pillow, get the pillows from our room, or make do with just the two pillows she had. She argued and argued. The choices remained firm. (In hindsight, Isaac and I realized that we should have explained the choices twice, then put her in her bedroom until she decided. We shouldn't have engaged in the argument by continuing to calmly explain what we had already explained.)

Eventually this disintegrated into us needing to put Ellie in her room because she refused to make any choices and kept arguing with us. (WHY do kids insist on tantrums? She was clearly set on a tantrum and was going to keep arguing until she got it.) She yelled, "You can put me in my room but I'll just follow you right back out!" Suffice it to say it was ugly and we needed the latch on her door.

Isaac latched her door and explained, "Ellie, when you're calm, you can come out and I'll talk with you." First, she yelled/sobbed that she WAS calm about 15 times. When she got no response, she started yelling, "Daddy! I want you to come in here and talk to me!" Again, she was ignored. After about 25 repetitions of this, she yelled, "Daddy! It would be nicer if you answered me the first time!"

Anyway, finally she was calm and came out to talk to Isaac. He explained that sometimes the choice we want most is not an option. Then we have to choose the next best choice. Ellie said, "There IS no next best. There's just what I want to do. That's what the best thing is."

How often do we say that to God? When He doesn't answer a prayer in the manner or timing we want, we rebel. It's particularly silly and arrogant since like a parent, He knows and wants what is best for us much more than we do. In Isaiah 55:8,9 God tells us, "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts." Why do we keep insisting that our ways are better than His?

Going back to the tantrum aftermath, I explained that it's our job as parents to help Ellie learn to make the right choices. She objected plaintively, "But it's HARD to." And she's right. For some reason, we let our short-sighted thoughts and ways dictate our actions, instead of acting on faith to make the right choices, knowing that God's thoughts and ways are higher than ours.

Maybe we're all 4 years old in some ways. Maybe these are lessons that we should all be working on.

Are Apples Alive?

Ellie asked me if cars can grow. That was easy; I explained that cars can't grow because they're not alive. We went on to discuss all kinds of things and whether they were alive or not: trees, rocks, tables, kittens, etc. All went fine until Ellie asked me if an apple is alive.

I used to have the 6 traits of living organisms memorized, but I can't remember many of them. Living things take in energy, convert waste, ???

Is an apple alive? Is it alive when it's on the tree, and dies when you pick it? Is it like fingernails and hair - not alive?

Simple Reasoning

Last night I took Ellie with me to a children's ministry training meeting. It went until 8:45 and bedtime is at 8:00. On the way home, Ellie asked me why I let her stay up so late.

I started to try to explain that I had committed to reserve baby-sitters for things that benefitted our marriage, and that I didn't think church meetings should separate families, and on and on.

Ellie said, "Oh. I thought it was because you wanted to let me watch the end of the meeting!"

Thanks, Honey

"Mama, I think it's pretty amazing that you can remember stories from way back when you were little."

Spiritual Conversations

This afternoon Ellie and I were talking about the ways God can speak to us. She frequently mentions that she can't hear His voice audibly, and I always reassure her that God speaks in different ways. Sometimes He really does speak in a voice we can hear; other times He speaks through His Word, other people, or that still-small voice within us.

She thought about that for a while, then asked, "Jesus is God, right?" Yes. "When Jesus came to earth as a baby, could He speak then?"

That's pretty good thinking! (You try explaining "fully God and fully man" to a 4-year-old!)

Then tonight, Ellie asked if we had a king. I explained that the United States has a President, not a king, but added that the Bible tells us Jesus is a King. She got excited and said, "Right! So the WORLD has a King!" She's right - the world does have a King, and someday everyone will acknowledge His lordship.

Resist Peer Pressure

Last night I went out with a friend, who, in her defense, shall remain nameless. She noticed that I was wearing my wedding ring on a necklace, and asked, "Does your ring REALLY not fit on your finger?" Like a lemming (and reasoning that it wasn't hot or humid out), I decided to try it out.

To my surprise, the ring actually fit. Very tightly. And it wouldn't come off. I thought that was no big deal - I'd take it off with soap and water when I got home. But then my finger started swelling and turning red.

I had to surreptitiously dip my finger in my glass of ice water to work the troublesome ring off, and wipe up the wet mess with a napkin. Now I know - don't give in to peer pressure!

Overheard While Playing Dollhouse With a Friend

Elizabeth, holding up the dollhouse bathtub: "I got this when I was two. It's a really, really old bathtub."

Mmm... State Fair Smells?

With the way the wind was blowing today, we could smell the fried foods of the State Fair from inside our house. It was pretty funny. I don't remember this ever happening before.

Good thing we can't order mini-donuts and cheese curds from our house.

Isaac's Great Lines (Men, Take Note)

Yesterday, I was bemoaning a statistic I'd just read in a pregnancy book: 80-85% of women experience incontinence after their second birth. Isaac, who has been married going on eight years now and always knows the right thing to say, responded, "Don't worry, honey, you're always in the top 10-15% of everything you do."

I've always wanted to write a book for men about the right things to say using some of Isaac's great lines. This one is my favorite: I was deciding between two skirts to wear, and asked Isaac which would look better. He didn't even have to think: "Well, the first one makes your legs look great, and the second one makes your butt look great." Isn't that the best answer ever?

Also, early in our marriage when we used to get more sleep than we do now, we both sleep-talked (slept-talked?). He pulled me over to him (in his sleep) and said, "Put your head on my chest. That's the way I like to sleep."

He's said a bunch of perfect things like that, but I'm forgetting the specifics. On a non-romantic (but HILARIOUS) note, he has one line that has made me laugh every time I've thought of it for years. We were in the bathroom getting ready for bed one night, and Isaac had just finished cleaning his ears with a Q-Tip. With a perfectly straight face, he turned to me and asked, "Have you ever noticed that ear wax tastes saltier in the winter than it does in the summer?" He was joking, of course, but he totally got me - I'm still laughing as I type. (I've tried since then to beat that line, but I can never think of anything that doesn't have to do with ear wax or boogers, and I can never keep as straight of a face, so I think I have to concede to Isaac as the big winner.)

Elizabeth's To-Do List

This morning was Ellie's Fun Day with Daddy. They accomplished everything on Ellie's to-do list. Here it is:

• Go to basketball with Daddy
• Daddy read books to me
• Playing games with Daddy

Here's her to-do list for this afternoon with me:

• Play hopscotch by myself
• Read books by myself
• Do projects
• Help Mommy do something if she needs help around the house

I think I have it easier than Daddy did!

Floor Scrubbing Joy

Friday was my day for floors: sweeping, shaking rugs, and power mopping the wood floors. Ellie was so excited to help me, because I told her that she could do the bathroom floor by herself. After we prepared all the floors, I set her up with a sponge and a spray bottle, then set to work mopping.

Now you should understand - me mopping while pregnant is not a pretty sight. I was sweating, red-faced, bent over with contractions (false ones - no excitement there), and grunting (in a lady-like manner, of course).

As I mopped my way closer to the bathroom where Ellie was happily filling and rinsing her sponge out in the sink, I could hear her. She too was grunting and making noises like she was working very hard!

I started to feel guilty, worrying about what I was teaching her about cleaning and working and all that, and then I heard her exclaim to herself, "This is so fun!"

It was a good reminder. And my floors look beautiful.

In a Few Months...

In a few months, I will be able to...

• Roll over in bed without getting a Braxton Hicks contraction and needing to get up to go to the bathroom
• Get up off the couch without feeling like a beached whale
• Hug my husband and fit the right way
• Pick things up off the floor without grunting
• See my toes
• Run and exercise and start to get back into shape
• Wear my wedding ring on my finger instead of on a necklace
• Wear a shirt without having to constantly tug it down over my belly
• Stand and sit without back pain and needing to lie down
• Walk up stairs and not get out of breath
• Walk without my feet hurting
• Hold a sweet, cuddly little baby

I'm giving myself "a few months" because I know not all of this comes at once. And I know that the next few months will be challenging in many ways (lack of sleep, buying diapers all the time, nursing, dealing with a big sister and lots of changes, etc.) but there sure are a lot of things to look forward to!

Happy Birthday, Isaac!

Isaac turns 28 today. Doesn't that sound respectable?

We're celebrating with an adults-only night with his parents, including pizza and a Twins game.

I love you, honey. You always make me happy.

Mommy Olympics

Ellie asked me why I'm not in the Olympics.

I tried to decide what to tell her in my answer: I'm just not good enough; I'm not willing to put in that kind of work; God hasn't gifted me in those areas; I'm too old to pick up that kind of training...

She solved the problem herself: "Because they don't have a Mommy Olympics?"

Yep. That's it. (I won't tell her about Dana Torres, Lisa Leslie, Paula Radcliffe, etc.)

Funny Memory

I was reading my friend Jen's blog about meeting people at O'Gara's, and I remembered back when I was 20 and had just started teaching at Children's House Montessori. My co-workers were planning on "going out" after work and invited me along. I was thrilled to be invited and assumed that a bunch of preschool teachers going out would mean going out for dinner.

When it turned out they meant bar-hopping, I was shocked. Absolutely shocked. I had never been in a bar before (actually, I've only been once since - and that was in Salt Lake City when I was trying to get pregnant, so I don't know if it counted!). I hate the smell of smoke. I am not comfortable around drunk people. It was very interesting.

Preschool teachers! I had no idea we could be so exciting. (Thanks for the memory, Jen. We started off at O'Gara's.)

Humming the National An-Song

After performing a gymnastics routine that mostly included jumping around and staying within the lines (our daughter is much more of an athlete than a graceful performer!), I was informed that it was time for the medals ceremony. Ellie stood solemnly in front of me and asked me to hum the "national an-song."

Have you ever tried to HUM the "Star-Spangled Banner?" It's MUCH harder than singing it.

Come on. You know you're dying to try humming it now.

Afterwards, Ellie came up to me and gave me a sweet hug. I asked why I got such a nice hug. She explained, "Because the gymnastic-ers always hug each other!"

Ellie's Many Children

This morning, after Ellie played a game of Memory with Isaac, she pretended to bake cookies with the Memory cards and spread them all over the dining room table. Then she brought out her stuffed animals and set them around the cookies. They were her "children." She proudly informed me that she had 21 children (between stuffed animals and lots of pretend ones) and they were all eating cookies right now.

"Wow," I said. "How do you take care of so many children?"

"I put them to sleep while I do all my things and make their food," she answered. "That way I can do my things and they get lots of sleep!"

Why didn't I think of that?

Continued Olympic Fever

We've continued to let Ellie watch a bit of the Olympics each night before bed. She usually watches from the couch for a while, and then jumps around and competes. Lately she's been doing synchronized diving. She grabs Bear by the hand, climbs up on the arm of the couch, and yells, "Go USA!" When she jumps down, she drags Bear with her. Then she climbs up again, and instructs me, "Now I'm China. Say, 'You can do it, China!'" She tries to land on the living room rug without making a big splash (which is, of course, pretty easy!).

Developing Photos

How do all of you develop your photos? I usually use Sam's Club because it's so cheap (13 cents for 4x6, 34 cents for 5x7, and $1.42 for 8x10). The problem is that their website is horrible. I frequently experience problems and have to redo my order, often wasting several hours uploading and editing. They also make me re-edit all the photos I have already edited online. Even though it's a huge pain, I have a hard time arguing with the low price.

Do you have anything equivalent? I want to upload and order online, and I want to be able to order larger sizes easily (at Target.com, you can only pick up 4x6s at the store - if you want bigger prints, you have to pay shipping). Finally, I want my dad to be able to download the photos to his computer without having to order them (which I currently can't do at Sam's).

Listen to Advice

I chopped jalapeno peppers last night. Every time I've done this previously, I've worn gloves or used plastic so I didn't touch them. I've never had a problem. (They warn that the oils in jalapenos get on your hands and burn your skin, especially if you touch your eye.)

This time I had 3 peppers to chop very finely, and I don't own food gloves and didn't want to waste medical gloves from our first aid kit, and I didn't want to use a plastic wrap barrier because it would be a pain in the neck with so much chopping. Basically, I thought I was smarter than all the advice. I didn't need to listen to it - I would scrub my hands very thoroughly and avoid touching my eyes. No big deal, right? I was very careful not to let Elizabeth help with the peppers, and I scrubbed my hands and under my nails four times in a row with soap and hot water afterward.

A few hours later, I felt the tips of my thumb and forefinger burning. It hurt too much to do the touchpad on the computer. I had a weird burning/itching rash on my hands and feet when I was pregnant with Elizabeth, and I was worried that it was coming back for this pregnancy. I started icing my fingertips and didn't think of the peppers at all - until I licked my thumb for some reason, and my tongue started burning! Bother the jalapenos!

I've washed my hands a zillions (okay, maybe twenty) times since last night, and my thumb is still burning slightly under the nail. Unfortunately, my stupidity continued this morning. I tried to put my contacts in. I know. What was I thinking? (That washing my hands twenty times and not sticking the contact under my thumbnail would be enough.) I got the contact out fast enough that my eye is okay, but now what am I going to do? How will I clean off those sneaky pesky oils from the contact? Will I have to wear glasses the rest of my life? (There's a reason most of you have never seen me in glasses!)

I learned another lesson today. Listen to them! Don't touch a jalapeno!

Those must have been really spicy jalapenos. I wonder how my Caribbean chicken marinade will taste tonight! I hope it's edible!

Olympics Opening Ceremony!

We did something we NEVER do tonight: we ate dinner in front of the TV. (Okay, in the interest of full disclosure, Isaac and I eat in front of the TV sometimes. Just not ever Elizabeth.) Note to self: Serve Elizabeth dinner BEFORE turning on the TV. It took her an hour to eat half a BLT sandwich.

It was fun to expose Elizabeth to the Games. The opening ceremony was crazily excessive and quite a show - it cost China $300 million to produce! We let Elizabeth watch almost the whole show part, then put her to bed before the never-ending parade of athletes. She took it pretty well, since I told her I wanted to be able to let her stay up late to watch some of the other events coming up.

After she'd been in bed for a few minutes, she broke out into heart-rending sobs, the kind that as a parent you know your child is truly heartbroken over something. I went in there, and she cried sadly, "I've never seen a cartwheel!" (Isaac had just made a comment about the cartwheelers around that big globe thing that she must have overheard.)

Since it was a special night, I got her up and carried her outside (we were both in our pajamas) and Isaac performed a cartwheel for her on the front lawn. After that, she went right to sleep!

Cute Kid Stories of the Week

I noticed Elizabeth's shoes were on the wrong feet, so I said, "Oops! You need to change your shoes." "No, Mama," she responded. "Once my shoes are already on my feet, I don't like to reverse them." (Reverse!)

She's also started using the phrases "I assume," "How's this for a deal?" and "Does that sound reasonable?"

I let Elizabeth help dust the house this morning. A job that normally would take me about 35 minutes took an HOUR and 15 minutes! When Isaac got home, I told him (with a meaningful smile, widened eyes, and in front of Ellie), "It took Ellie and I an hour and 15 minutes to dust the house today." Isaac simply smiled and said, "Imagine how long it would have taken if you didn't have a helper!"

Ellie Elizabeth Grace VanLoon

Ellie is convinced her full name is "Ellie Elizabeth Grace VanLoon." She has decided she wants to be called "Elizabeth" now, so she has asked us to switch to calling her by her "second name." No amount of convincing has persuaded her that Elizabeth is actually her real first name, so we're just trying to adapt and go with it.

Ellie's Preschool Update

Ellie loved GKEL ("my" preschool) last year and the year before, but I wanted something else for her this year for a lot of reasons:

1. If I'm not working there, I'd have to pay for preschool anyway! No more free GKEL for us!
2. She won't have BSF in addition to GKEL's one day a week this year, and she's going to kindergarten next year.
3. She needs more than one day a week socially.
4. It might be easier on Kyla (and all the parents) if I'm not at GKEL to pick up and drop off Ellie.
5. With a new baby, I'll want additional structured activity and attention for Ellie.
6. We could find a preschool closer to home.

So for all those reasons, (not at ALL because I don't believe in GKEL), I checked out preschools closer to our home that met 2-3 times a week.

Today we toured Central Lutheran School, which is only four blocks away from us. (I had a lot of questions for the poor assistant director. She was wonderful, but I was probably walking the line of being an overly concerned parent.) I realized that it feels really different to be on the other side of the preschool choice. I thought I was prepared for this, but it's harder than I thought.

Ellie will be AWAY from me, in her own little world that I am not a part of. At church and at GKEL, I've always been part of her world. I know exactly where she is and who she's with and what she's doing and how she behaves. Even when I'm away from her, I'm friends with her teachers and the other parents in her class, so I can talk to them. Now she's going to a great big school (okay, her class won't be big, but still) with lots of teachers (okay, just two for her class, but still) and lots of different rooms that she'll play in and a whole bunch of kids that I don't know.

I think it's the other kids that make me the most nervous. I won't know if they're nice or not, or what outside influences they've been exposed to that Ellie hasn't. I won't be able to control what they say to her or how they treat her. I won't know their parents or how to set up playdates with them or how they behave. This is a big step for me (and of course, for Ellie, too).

I think I could go on typing advantages and disadvantages and reasoning and questions and logic for pages more. So. Three afternoons a week, for two and a half hours each, Ellie won't be mine. She'll be at Central Lutheran, four whole blocks away. In her own little world. That I hope she learns to love and thrive in and become independent from me in. It's kind of sad and kind of exciting.

"My" Preschool Update

I realized I hadn't posted a HUGE answer to prayer! Since January (when we found out I was pregnant) I've been praying for an excellent person to substitute for me at Grace Kids Early Learning this year. I've prayed they would be prayerful about it, take it on as their own program, and run with the vision God gave them for the ministry. I preferred them to take over the whole year, but I understood if I would have to go back to work in January.

My timing for God's answer was to have the person in place back in May, so I could tell last year's parents who it would be. After all, it's the director/lead teacher position, so they have to be able to communicate with parents as well as run a class well. By July, I was starting to struggle with worry and taking the problem on myself, even though I KNEW God was faithful to provide.

Of course, He did provide - and excellently! Kyla, our children's ministry associate at church, has agreed to take on the program for the whole year! She'll be fantastic at it. She's great with kids and parents, and better-trained than I am at helping kids grow spiritually. I'll help her start out the year, to help her adjust to academics and the differences between preschool and Sunday School, and then she's completely taking it over. I am so thankful to God for providing Kyla!

Typical God-fashion, within two weeks after Kyla accepted the job, I've been connected with FIVE other people who were interested in it. Why did I worry?

House Priorities

Our realtor came over last week to look through our house and help us set priorities for what we need to do with it and what we can leave alone. We're not planning to put it on the market until probably 2 years from now, but I wanted to enjoy any improvements we'll have to make rather than simply paying for them for the next owner!

We have to do three things for sure:
1. Fix the small leak in the renter's bathroom upstairs, which unfortunately includes pretty much redoing his whole bathroom, including floor, tub, and tub surround.
2. Professionally refinish all our hardwood floors. I am really excited about this one! Our goal to do it financially is in January.
3. Cheaply repair our crumbling concrete front steps and retaining wall.

Our realtor strongly recommends that we demolish our unusable garage and put in a new two-car garage. He thinks we'd more than recoup the money we put into it. We'd like to do it if we have the money upfront, but we'll see on this one. It's a big project, and not that important to us.

I was kind of disappointed that he didn't recommend retiling our brown/tan bathroom floor tiles or putting in a nice new bathtub and sink that would actually look clean when I cleaned them. Oh, well. Isaac was relieved.

Lessons Learned at a Family Reunion

1. I should go to these more often. I haven't been to this since before Ellie was born.
2. Baker Park Reserve is not THAT far away, and it's great for kids.
3. My mother's side of the family are all wonderful people, really nice, and good conversationalists.
4. If I think my daughter has to poop, I should try harder to make her go BEFORE she goes swimming in the lake.
5. Fresh peach cobbler is REALLY good.
6. My husband fits in very well with my extended family. I always think he's a nice guy, but it's nice that everyone else likes him too.
7. My cousin and uncle are really good photographers and have really nice cameras. They should go into business or something. (Oh, wait. They have - http://www.maijaphotography.com/)
8. Ellie LOVES her cousins. I asked what the best part of the reunion was, and she answered, "Sydney!" and then recounted all the fun games they played together.
9. My husband can make rope out of wood bark.
10. I like Rice Krispie bars with peanut butter and chocolate.
11. My new Pampered Chef chilled platter works well for deviled eggs.
12. My (well, Ellie's) attendance at family reunions is VERY important to my mother.

Sorry for giving you such a hard time, Mom. I love you and I had fun at the reunion.

Pray Immediately

Ellie has been showing some new spiritual sensitivity this week, and I have been learning from her. Our friend Katrina is going into the mission field full-time, and I told Isaac that I had agreed we would pray for her regularly. Ellie immediately ran to the couch, sat down, and started whispering a prayer for Katrina. Isaac and I realized that of course we should start now, so we had a nice family prayer time for Katrina.

The very next day, God tested me to see if I had learned this lesson yet. We received a missionary support letter from Isaac's brother Joel, and I read it aloud to Ellie. Again, she immediately dropped everything and prayed for him. After my prompting, she even prayed loud enough for me to understand and join in with her. I felt convicted that it took my 4-year-old to teach me to pray right away when we receive a request or prompting.