Blow to the Ego

I'm trying to sell my maternity clothes through Craig's List, and a very nice set of grandparents-to-be just came over to look through them for their out-of-town daughter. I think of myself as fairly small (at least I was during my first pregnancy when I was 20 pounds lighter than I am right now!), but they left because my clothes were all "too big" for their "petite" daughter. The lady even pointed out that the butts of the pants are just way too big to fit.

I'm trying not to let it hurt my feelings, but it's hard!

Down with (Certain) Off-Brands!

Being a practical and frugal consumer, I usually buy store brands and off-brands. They're cheaper, and I like that. However, there are some things that I just refuse to buy off-brand, and toilet paper is number one among them.

My sweet and well-meaning husband didn't know this, and several months ago he kindly stocked up our toilet paper supply. Unfortunately, he bought the cheapest, most useless toilet paper EVER. He regretted this purchase as soon as we tried it, but since we couldn't bring ourselves to throw away perfectly "good" toilet paper or donate an opened package, we consigned ourselves to using it up.

I threw myself into this project whole-heartedly. After all, I was pregnant, so I was using the bathroom all the time! I purposely used up tons of this fragile paper, way more than was appropriate. And yet, it lasted forever. Really. We had this awful stuff for months. I was afraid to ask Isaac how much he had bought. It got to the point that I appreciated the thickness of the toilet paper in the public WalMart restroom!

However, after those months of hardship, I am proud to announce that we have come to the end of the cheap toilet paper. I derive great pleasure now every time I touch our new, soft, thick, brand-name toilet paper. It is now safe to come over and use our bathroom again.

What items do you refuse to buy off-brand?

"Just Go to Sleep!" and Submission

Remember my analogy of how sleep training is similar to the way God trains us? (http://allisonvanloon.blogspot.com/2009/01/sleep-training.html) He had to train me last night.

Isaac and I had one of those marital discussions about money that leave me feeling kind of unsettled. This "unsettled" feeling happens when I take my eyes off God and His faithful provision and start foolishly trusting in our own provision for ourselves. Even as Isaac and I talked, I knew this was happening, so I was careful to constantly pray, asking God for His wisdom, to change my heart, to speak to Isaac as the head of our household, to make sure my motives were proper, etc.

Still. Even with my good intentions, my flesh kept getting in the way. After the discussion was over, Isaac (being a man) rolled over and went to sleep. I lay there, praying and stewing and praying and thinking and praying and trying not to stew! Finally, I listened to the Spirit telling me that the discussion was over. I was welcome to keep praying, but it wasn't going to change anything that night. I should just go to sleep!

So I did. And as always, God is faithful. He is in charge of our life and our finances.

I think that as a woman who Biblically submits to my husband, I have the much easier role. I simply need to trust in God, submit to my husband, and remain prayerful. God will help my husband make the right decisions and implement them. It's poor Isaac who has so much responsibility and has the ultimate job of hearing God's voice and aligning our household to what He says. I don't envy him this role or responsibility, and I am thankful that he shoulders it so competently and uncomplainingly. I am honored to do my best to support him as the leader of our home.

Who Is Who Answers

Thanks to all of you who guessed the identity of the pictures - I had a lot of fun with that. The first and last pictures were of Amelie; the second and third were of Elizabeth. Even Isaac was surprised how much they still look alike in pictures!

Sleep Training, Revisited

We only had that one miserable night with Amelie. She is now back on schedule (praise God!). She goes to bed around 7:00, I wake her up to feed her at 10:30, and she sleeps through until around 6:30. Now that we're back home and not at Breezy, she's also back to taking two good naps a day, usually around two hours each. I didn't know babies could be this good!

This is funny: although Amelie sleeps way more than Elizabeth did, we have zillions of pictures of Elizabeth sleeping and none of Amelie. That's not because we don't take pictures of Amelie - obviously, you long-suffering faithful readers of this blog, we do! It's just that it's not an unusual event when she sleeps. With Elizabeth, we were always so relieved that she finally fell asleep that we'd whip out the camera!

So, in honor of my good little sleeper, who is absolutely an answer to lots of prayer, here's the first ever picture of my little angel sound asleep, happily swaddled, with Conan O'Brien hair/plumage in full glory.And here's one of her sweet big sister for good measure.

Man, do I love it when both my girls are down for the night! Isn't this relaxing?

"Customer Service" - Pshaw!

This morning, I planned to use my rare and precious time of Isaac being home with Amelie during her morning nap to spend some quality time with Elizabeth at the library. (I would rather have used this valuable time to go for a run or go shopping, but this was very important too.)

We have 3 close city libraries that we frequent. We knew our neighborhood library didn't open until after lunch, so Elizabeth and I headed off to the one that opened at 10:00. We pulled up. We parallel parked on the street (we're in the city, remember). I unloaded Elizabeth, hauled out the bag of books to be returned, and braved the cold wind down the sidewalk and up the steps to the library door. Once arrived, I could finally see a sign on the door: "Closed Thursday, January 29, for Customer Service Improvements."

Lovely. A wasted trip. But I could redeem this - I loaded Elizabeth and the books back into the car and hustled to the other side of our house to another library. Unfortunately, that one didn't open until after lunch.

Okay. I could handle this. Since our limited free time was used up in the search for an open library, we returned home empty-handed (but still lugging the dumb bag of books).

After Amelie's last nap of the day, I decided to load up both girls and head to our neighborhood library, which I knew would be open by now. So I strapped Amelie in her carseat, zipped Elizabeth into her warm clothes, and headed out yet again. Great! The lights were on and there were cars in the parking lot! I parked, balanced Amelie's heavy carseat over my elbow, added the diaper bag and the bagfull of library books, grabbed Elizabeth's hand, and sherpa-ed my way up the steps to this third library of the day. And saw the sign on the door.

"Closed Thursday, January 29, for Customer Service Improvements."

Let me tell you about "customer service," you feeble-minded, under-funded St. Paul public libraries!

New Fridge?

Since we can no longer trust our freezer to keep our ice cream hard (and we don't want to think about what that means for frozen meat), we're in the market for a new refrigerator/freezer. We're willing to buy a new one, but I know that people frequently have nice ones they want to get rid of. I'm posting this on the off-chance that one of you knows someone who knows someone...!

Fun With Look-Alikes

I think the girls are about one month apart in age in these pictures, but anyone care to venture a guess who is who?

"We Go Together..."

Elizabeth made up a song to sing to Amelie: "We go together like honey and bear. We go together like honey and bee. We go together like mama and baby. We go together so carefully."

I think the mama and baby part is sweetest!

Sleep Training

One of the ways I vowed to parent Amelie differently from Elizabeth is in the area of sleep. I didn't "make" Elizabeth sleep through the night until she was 9 months old, and I knew that Amelie could do it much sooner.

While Amelie started out as a great sleeper, it's been getting less and less consistent, both at night and during the day. I'm worried that it's my fault, that I haven't been putting her down or getting her up at the right times. So after crazy sleeping (or lack thereof) on vacation, I decided I had to get her back to a reasonable schedule this week.

I started last night. She screamed for an hour and a half, at which point I let Isaac feed her part of a bottle to tide her over to morning when I would nurse her. I can argue the decision to let her cry it out at night both ways. Isaac doesn't feel there is a need for it, and doesn't understand what we want her to learn and how we are trying to teach her, so I feel like I am making all the decisions on my own. I just wish I knew I was doing the right thing.

As Isaac and I lay there at 4:30 this morning, miserably listening to her wail, I thought about the parallels to my relationship with God. Amelie has no concept that I am doing this to help her develop healthy sleep patterns. She has no idea that her daddy and I desperately desire to pick her up and comfort her with every fiber of our bodies. She has no clue that we are even listening to her cries.

Aren't I that way with God? I forget that His discipline and training is for my own good. I gloss over the fact that He loves me and desires my life to bring Him glory. I become angry or discouraged that He does not hear me cry out, when the reality is that my Daddy is desperately waiting for me to come to my senses and let Him comfort me.

On a positive note, she did wake up at 7:00 this morning, cheerful and happy and oblivious to the torment and misery of last night. It will be interesting to see how tonight goes.

Why We Need to Do Better at Muting Commercials

While drinking a glass of water, Elizabeth sighed and said, "Bug Light - always get extra!"

This is why I tell Isaac to mute football commercials!

Wisdom from Narnia

In C.S. Lewis's A Horse and His Boy, a talking horse named Hwin meets Aslan for the first time. (Aslan is a lion who represents Christ in the Narnia books.)

Then Hwin, though shaking all over, gave a strange little neigh and trotted
across to the Lion. "Please," she said, "you're so beautiful. You may eat me if
you like. I'd sooner be eaten by you than fed by anyone else."

How cool is that? Christ should be so consuming in our life that we would rather feed ourselves to Him than live for anything else. I love that image!

More Breezy Pictures

My favorite is the last one of Elizabeth sleeping in her very own bedroom: the bathtub!

Good Job, Amelie!

On our first morning at Breezy, Amelie rolled over from her back to her front. She was so proud of her new skill that for the next several days, she would immediately roll over every time we laid her down. Once she realized that she was then stuck on her stomach, she toned it down a little bit!

Elizabeth learned to roll over the other way first (I have no idea which way is more common). But once Elizabeth learned to roll over, she never did it again. I had to ask the doctor if I could even count it as rolling over!

Breezy By the Numbers

0 car problems in -19 degree temperatures (praise God!)

1 grand prize from Bingo night (a pizza)

2 sessions of woodpainting (one of Elizabeth's favorite crafts)

3 wet-through diapers and 2 diaper blow-outs

5 tea parties (usually with Cheerios)

6 margaritas (one each night with my dad)

10 wonderful relatives (and we still didn't get enough time with them!)

13 swimsuits (you just never know what will fit)

13 chapters of Narnia read aloud (The Horse and His Boy)

14 hours in the pool (Amelie is a water baby, but Elizabeth still isn't very brave)

72 hands of bridge (very fun)

Countless snacks, desserts, special meals, and grown-up books

Vacation

Today we are going up to Breezy Point Resort in Brainerd for a week at my parents' timeshare. It's a lot of work to get us and the house all ready! (So why am I sitting here blogging?) Isaac will join us from Sunday until Thursday, which is the longest we've ever gotten him! This is his tenth winter up there with us - I can hardly believe it.

Imagine: a whole, wonderful week with my parents and husband as bridge partners, swimming and exercise buddies, and live-in baby-sitters! Our plan is to hang out together, eat lots of good (i.e. not terribly healthy) food, spend hours in the pool every day, play games, and read. My cousin Maija, her husband and two kids, and her parents will be up there too, so we'll have plenty of fun family time and playmates for Elizabeth.

After Amelie wakes up from her morning nap, we're taking off. During this brief time, I need to do the dishes, empty the trash, pack last-minute and refrigerator items, schlep stuff out to the car, keep a too-eager Elizabeth occupied... What am I doing on the computer again?

See you next week!

Unnecessary?

Spontaneous, unplanned, and unnecessary cleaning this week?

• I scrubbed the kitchen floor (because a bowl of cereal with milk was spilled on it)
• I scrubbed the bathroom floor (because a mirror had broken into slivers on it)
• I swept the dining room repeatedly (because Cheerios and paper scraps are always all over it even right after I sweep it)
• I washed the bathroom sink (because it had paint all over it)
• I repeatedly threw two children into the bath (because they kept getting art supplies and/or bodily fluids all over themselves)
• We won't even talk about the regular cleaning like loads and loads of laundry (because it keeps getting spit-up and sweat all over it) and taking out the trash (because somebody keeps filling up diapers) and organizing too-small, current, and future clothing (because two little somebodies keep growing and I want to keep shrinking!)

I have to keep reminding myself that cleaning needs to be done anyway!

Overcoming Fears

• Spiders
• Lighting matches
• Sweating in front of people
• Boiling water
• Cooking on the stovetop
• Dancing in front of people
• That I wouldn't recognize Ellie the first time I left her in the nursery

These things, at one time or another, have all petrified and immobilized me. Looking back, they're pretty silly.

That fear of fire truly hampered my life, especially in the kitchen. It really took me 5 years of marriage to brown my own hamburger on the stovetop, and until last year, I never made any skillet recipes. Pasta and rice took forever to make because I wouldn't let the water come to a full boil.

It makes me wonder what my life would be like if I really gave every fear over to God. What if I stopped worrying what people would think when I talk about Him? What if I stopped trying to run my life myself and truly gave Him control?

I hope that in a while, I look back on my current fears as silly, too.

Where Do You Even Start?

Isaac and Elizabeth were discussing when God created angels. Isaac's view was that we don't know because the Bible doesn't tell us. Elizabeth pronounced that God created them after He created light and dark but before He created the land and the seas. Isaac asked how she knew that. Her answer? "Whenever I say something, I'm correct because God assures me."

What do you even say to that?

Also, when DID God create angels?

My Helper

I ran a sinkful of warm water for Elizabeth and let her go at the dishes. I still had to wash them afterward, but it was a lot easier and she had a great time! She also likes to entertain Amelie by reading to her and performing shows. Since Amelie can't really move, she's a more captive audience than I am. And in the right mood, she enjoys it. Not in the right mood, she cries a lot more than I do during shows!

A Glimpse Inside Elizabeth's Head

In the car, Elizabeth couldn't figure out why Isaac and I didn't understand what "cars glory" meant. She explained that it means there are lots of cars. Finally, we figured it out: she meant "cars galore."

At a family party today, she noticed Isaac's cousin sharing his lunch with his little girl. "You're sharing," she commented. "Usually grown-ups share with me at restaurants when they just can't stand buying me my own meal."

Elizabeth has wanted to be an airplane pilot when she grows up for a while now. Recently she changed it to be a "spaceship pilot and a basketballer." She has it all planned out. She'll play basketball on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday (the same days Isaac plays basketball) and be a spaceship pilot on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. On Sunday, she'll go to church with her husband. "I don't care where we go to church," she says. "I'll let my husband decide that. I just know that I have to be at church on Sunday, and he can pick which one."

Elizabeth is convinced that I need to have another baby, because she is Mary and Amelie is Laura. She wants to have a Baby Carrie in the family too. (And if I could just guarantee it would be a girl, maybe I'd consider it. But since I can't...)

We've warned that since Amelie is starting to grab at things, it won't be long until she pulls Elizabeth's hair. I guess Elizabeth decided to speed up Amelie's development. When she didn't know I was watching, she carefully stuck her pigtail in Amelie's hand and waited for her to pull it.

Another time, she said, "Amelie doesn't know what I am thinking. Actually, she does know what I am thinking, since whatever I think, I do!" (Isaac thinks this statement is pretty profound. I think it is more closely related to my father-in-law's phrase "no unspoken thought," which is very true in Elizabeth's case!)

Feeling Good

Once I got the doctor's okay after Amelie was born, I started a running program that I found in a book. I started slow to avoid injury, which is hard for me because I'm competitive and I like to push myself. Unfortunately, as I found out when I started running last August before I got pregnant, I would push myself to run too fast and then I was miserable. This time I've worked on building endurance rather than speed, and to enforce that, I haven't let myself keep track of mileage.

My first goals were to be able to run for 30 minutes straight and to run for 3 miles. Today I ran for 30 minutes straight! (Outdoors, no less - my usual track was closed). I went about 3 blocks short of 3 miles, so I think I'll meet that goal soon.

This was the first time I had run outside in the cold since last year. I thought I was running at the same pace as I do on the track, but I ended up going much faster! I think I cut off 1-2 minutes per mile, which is pretty huge. I was so proud of myself - I definitely felt that elusive runner's high and grinned for the next 45 minutes.

I still have a long way to go before I can call myself a real runner, but I'm getting there. I plan to run a 5K with my dad at the beginning of the summer, and I'm hoping to be ready for a 10K by fall.

I Can Read Night

Elizabeth is intellectually capable of reading but doesn't have much interest in sitting down and actually doing it herself. So voila - enter I Can Read Night! On Friday night I put up a welcome sign on the door to announce the theme of the evening (construction paper and markers make everything more special). We went to the library, then played various reading-related games all night. Elizabeth even had to read where we would sit for dinner ("We will have a picnic. Daddy will sit on the...) I shamelessly bribed her with candy to enjoy the reading part of it. For example, I made up sight word bingo cards and we used mini chocolate chips as markers!

It was fun, but I think I overdid it. I'll make the next I Can Read Night shorter to avoid a meltdown at the end! Here's a picture of Isaac reading Voyage of the Dawn Treader while Elizabeth enjoys her first Ring Pop.Amelie sat on the couch and listened to the book too, but I think her reading comprehension skills are lacking. She kept smiling during the serious parts.

New Vocabulary

When Elizabeth kissed Amelie last night, she got an electrical shock. This morning, she tried to remember what I had told her it was called.

"Mommy, what's it called when you kiss a baby and the baby sends a stabby thing into your cheek?"

"A shock," I answered.

"Oh. I thought it was called a baby ache."

Frustrations of a Baby

"Look! I'm finally big enough to hold onto a toy and eat it!""Hey, when I chew on a toy, I accidently roll onto my side. This rolling around thing is fun!""I wonder if I can roll all the way over. I'll try.""This isn't working and it's making me mad! How am I supposed to do this again?""Mommy, did you really think I wouldn't notice that you helped me? It doesn't count if I don't do it by myself!""This rolling thing isn't as fun and easy as I thought it would be."

"Stop taking pictures now, Mommy, and pick me up! Can't you see I'm frustrated?"

Age Is Relative

Driving carpool makes me feel old. Am I really old enough to have a child in a carpool? Am I responsible enough to drive a van of children? Yipes.

Also, I've noticed that for the last few years, I've been a "ma'am." I used to be a "miss." Now I never hear it. I'm even a "ma'am" when I don't have my kids with me!

On the other hand (Maija, this is for you), someone at volleyball last night asked me if I go to school there. It's a high school.

And someone at Hamline University, where I work out, asked me if I was there for the gymnastics program, which is all high school and college age.

So maybe old is relative.

Self-Portrait

When uploading a new bunch of Elizabeth's pictures, I found a departure from her usual close-up still-lifes of objects: self-portraits. I laughed out loud. The last one cracks me up the most - she's reading a book to the camera!

Grabbing

Amelie has discovered that she has control of her hands and arms. (Okay, technically she's really only discovered her right hand, but I'm sure the left one is coming!) Here are some pictures of her in control of her little world!

Jesus's Hiding Spot

Elizabeth, during lunch: "Mommy, is Jesus just standing in the middle of the earth so He can watch us all the time?"

Me: "Well, He's everywhere at the same time, because He's God."

Elizabeth, after a thoughtful pause: "You mean He's under the piano?"

CD Fort

My in-laws gave Elizabeth the full set of GT and the Halo Express CDs for Christmas (a fun way to memorize tons of Scriptures!). Having very little room in our small house, we created a "fort" under the piano so that Elizabeth can listen to her music comfortably while Amelie naps in her room.

We piled rugs on the cold floor and she brought in a microphone so she can sing along.

Worst Picture of Amelie EVER

It's so bad I had to share it (what kind of mother am I?). If you look really closely, you can see snot in addition to the drugged look.

Growth

A volleyball/playgroup friend and his family visited from Maryland this week, and we got to spend some time with them today. It was so neat to see his daughter, who is a little older than Elizabeth, and how much she had changed in the two years since we'd last seen her. When she left, she was shy and slow-to-warm-up, but today she ran right into the indoor playground and played with our horde of children the whole time!

[Side note: I just asked Isaac how to spell horde. He confirmed that I had spelled it correctly, and when I commented how weird it looked, he replied, "I assumed you meant that instead of whored." Thanks, babe.]

Similarly, we took Elizabeth ice skating tonight, and we hadn't gone since the semi-disaster last year. She took to it like a natural and was able to skate on single bladed skates without even holding our hands or a chair. I was so proud.

Sometimes, growth seems to happen all of a sudden, and sometimes you don't really notice it until you look at it in retrospect. I think my relationship with God is often like that. Every so often, I have an exciting time of growth where He's clearly working in some area of my life. For example, two years ago He taught me a lot about intentionally sharing Him and purposely developing relationships with people who don't know Him. I grew hugely during that time (although I still have a very long way to go in that area).

Other times, it seems like nothing is happening until I look back and compare now to where I was some time ago. For example, I remember about three years ago, I was really focusing on simply trying to think about God and eternal things all day long rather than letting hours (and, I confess, sometimes days) go by without really paying attention to what God wants. Now, that kind of thinking is usually an every-day, hourly thing for me. That happened slowly, not all at once.

When I examine my life, there is an absurd number of areas that I want to grow in and that I need God to change. I sometimes have to remember that growth isn't always sudden and is a continual process. I love that, because it means that in a year or two my relationship with God can be totally different than it is now. While I wish that could happen all at once (please suddenly make me more holy, more loving, more wise!), I'm content to wait eagerly for the hope that I know is coming.

Wow. This post really got off-track from the ice-skating post I had planned!

Miss-Understanding

I put Elizabeth to bed a few nights ago, and collapsed happily on the couch, reveling in the silence. A few minutes later, I heard her say, "But how can this be? For I am a virgin."

What?

She then proceeded to repeat quite a bit of the Christmas story. I thought that was a pretty funny place to start.