One of the ways I vowed to parent Amelie differently from Elizabeth is in the area of sleep. I didn't "make" Elizabeth sleep through the night until she was 9 months old, and I knew that Amelie could do it much sooner.
While Amelie started out as a great sleeper, it's been getting less and less consistent, both at night and during the day. I'm worried that it's my fault, that I haven't been putting her down or getting her up at the right times. So after crazy sleeping (or lack thereof) on vacation, I decided I had to get her back to a reasonable schedule this week.
I started last night. She screamed for an hour and a half, at which point I let Isaac feed her part of a bottle to tide her over to morning when I would nurse her. I can argue the decision to let her cry it out at night both ways. Isaac doesn't feel there is a need for it, and doesn't understand what we want her to learn and how we are trying to teach her, so I feel like I am making all the decisions on my own. I just wish I knew I was doing the right thing.
As Isaac and I lay there at 4:30 this morning, miserably listening to her wail, I thought about the parallels to my relationship with God. Amelie has no concept that I am doing this to help her develop healthy sleep patterns. She has no idea that her daddy and I desperately desire to pick her up and comfort her with every fiber of our bodies. She has no clue that we are even listening to her cries.
Aren't I that way with God? I forget that His discipline and training is for my own good. I gloss over the fact that He loves me and desires my life to bring Him glory. I become angry or discouraged that He does not hear me cry out, when the reality is that my Daddy is desperately waiting for me to come to my senses and let Him comfort me.
On a positive note, she did wake up at 7:00 this morning, cheerful and happy and oblivious to the torment and misery of last night. It will be interesting to see how tonight goes.
4 comments:
I'm amazed that you can think like that at 4:30am! :)
Oh Allison...this is such a tough thing to go through and I completely feel for you! If it is any comfort, I did the same thing with Zach right around 3 months. The first night was completely horrible! I think he must have cried for almost two hours straight. But, the next night, the crying only lasted about an hour and the next night a little less. After about a week or so, we would hear him wake up and whimper a bit and then he would just put himself right back to sleep. Since then, he's been a pro sleeper and if he does wake up at night screaming, we definitely know he's sick or something is wrong (like he has his foot stuck in the crib slat...again!). I like your analogy to our lives and God...that just as God knows best for us, so you, as Amelie's mom, know what is best for her. I hope tonight is better for all of you!
Very true! My favorite sleep training book was Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It worked wonder for Seth who still sleeps close to 12 hours at night! Of course now we wake up with bad dreams more often in the middle of the night but I am told that is another stage we parents have to suffer through.
The other part of the parallel is that through all her wailing, her mommy and daddy ARE there with her, just as God is there with us in our times of trouble. In our limited view, we lose sight of that. His plans are to prosper us and to give us hope and a future. His plans for us are for far more than we can hope or imagine. So, yes, God, let us cry, knowing that You see the end for us as being so much better than we could do getting our own way.
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