Isaac and I have been trying to figure out how to treat Ellie's fears about books and movies, and we'd love some godly advice. Caveat: We don't really know if the fears are real (truly felt and scaring Ellie), pretend (she acts scared because she wants attention or because she enjoys it) or habit (she thinks she is expected to react that way).
Background: When we read books or watch videos, Ellie sometimes acts very scared. She whimpers or cries, hides her face or plugs her ears, and verbally expresses worries ("I hope Michael doesn't get sick"). I understand that things that scare children don't necessarily make sense, but many of these REALLY don't make sense. For example, she doesn't like to watch VeggieTale Silly Songs because a hat gets run over by a bus, and a kids' construction video upset her because a wheelbarrow got squashed by a roller (boys think that part is hilarious).
Note: She watches about 1 hour of kids videos (Veggie Tales, Dr. Seuss, no Disney) a month. It's not like we're letting her watch scary things. Admittedly, she is in the room while Isaac watches sports far more than I prefer, but she has never expressed fear during that time. Other than Isaac's sports or her videos, she never watches TV.
We read lots of books, including ones geared toward older kids like Little House and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Sometimes it makes sense that she's scared, like when Laura is lost in a blizzard, but mostly it comes up at random times. Today she became upset at Paper Bag Princess by Robert Munsch and More Pies (also by Munsch) because people said their tummy hurt during a pie-eating contest. These are not inappropriate books for her age - I've read them to over 50 kids and no one has had a problem with them.
So, what are our options? I see them this way.
1) Avoid all books/videos that might cause her to get scared.
2) Keep emphasizing that it's not real and she doesn't have to be scared; God takes care of her and is with her. (I worry this is minimizing, but sometimes I'm okay with minimizing.)
3) Ignore the fears and keep reading, knowing it will be resolved in the end.
4) Stop reading whenever we get to a part that scares her.
5) What else?
Also note: the fears don't persist throughout the day, at night, or anytime other than during the reading. They don't come up again unless we talk about that specific book or movie, in which case she doesn't want to see it again. (She's stopped watching "Letter Factory" (her previous favorite movie) because icky stuff fell on the "i.") And, she's pretty much always been this sensitive. It's not a new thing.
3 comments:
i'll try to talk with my mom and see what they did with my brother. he used to be like this as well. he even went to a psychologist i believe. if i remember right it had something to do with the brain not able to accept the difference between unreal and real even though he could label the difference. (not saying this is what is happening - it just reminds me of the stories i heard about Matt).
It's a hard thing to figure out because they are too young to tell you if it's really affecting them or not. What I've done with Sydney, Jordan, Ava and Xav is if it's something that really shouldn't be scary, I just tell them they aren't scared and every time it comes up say that it's not scary and they really aren't scared. Eventually, that's what they are going to believe. If it really is something that potentially should or could be scary, I say we'll pray to Jesus to take away the scary feeling because he's bigger than any scary feelings. It's worked at least to some degree with my kids, but all of them are different. Good luck!
I say option number two. She will need to learn how to get thicker skin (not a bad thing), and the two of you can help her with that without scarring her for life. I would be careful not to intentionally scare her to make her stronger, but just continue to be there for her. She will learn to protect herself as well.
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