Bored

I'm bored. My due date was yesterday. I wanted to give birth two months ago. I'm tired of waiting, tired of disappointing people when I talk to them and don't have any news, tired of feeling like I shouldn't make any plans or commitments, tired of feeling tired, tired of going to preschool and church and all that and having people say, "You're still here?" Yup. I KNOW I'm still here. Thank you for pointing it out to me. I never would have guessed. I'm even tired of caring, well-meaning people who keep telling me that they're glad to cancel anything and drop everything when I go into labor. I am too! It's just not happening, and I can't make it happen.

The director at my old preschool was famous for saying, "Only boring people get bored." There is some truth to that, so I've been trying to keep busy by always making sure the house is ready for other people to witness if I go into labor, and keeping our food/groceries well-stocked and planned (except now my freezer is full so I can't), and making sure we have everything that we could possibly need for a baby and/or busy crunch time coming up. I've also been trying to spend extra special time with Elizabeth (although to be honest, today, that's really boring too). I'm still bored.

Isaac wisely dragged me out of the house last night for a long family walk and going out to dinner. That helped a lot. It turned my moroseness into cheerfulness for a while. But then this morning, it was obvious that the exhausting walk did not trigger labor, and I got a little morose again. The closest I have ever been to depressed in my life was at the end of last pregnancy. I just don't enjoy being pregnant, and the wait is awful.

All right. I've reached my complaining quotient for the day and I'm cutting myself off. I'll try to "take my frown and turn it upside down," as my coteacher Liz always says to the kids.