Disconnect

Sometimes (okay, frequently) I notice a disconnect between who I want to be and who I really am. I want to be a kind, patient, loving, disciplined athlete with a perfectly clean house who invests daily in her children, husband, and friends. Somehow, that doesn't seem to happen.

I want to patiently teach and instruct my children, providing educational activities at home with Amelie, coaching Elizabeth to be a respectful and caring leader at school, and enjoying special family time every day. Then I get sidetracked by things on my to-do list and silly children and just plowing through homework and forget to be purposeful in my real goals.

I picture myself as a runner, and get great pleasure reading Runner's World and thinking about running down the sidewalk in every kind of weather. Then I check the temperature outside, and decide hunkering down might be more comfortable, and pretty soon, my mileage log doesn't reflect the runner I want to be.

I want to be a wise steward of the house God has given us, and keep it shining clean and in perfect order. After all, if I can't keep a house this size well, how can I hope for a bigger one? Then I feel overwhelmed trying to keep up with the daily chores and don't even attempt the basement, or the nasty corners, or the smudges on the walls.

I desire to pray faithfully for my friends and the people God calls me to, serving them and being involved in their daily lives, available whenever they need someone. Yet I can barely keep up with them on Facebook, no less have meaningful conversations with each of them weekly.

And so on and so on.

In the face of this disconnect, I am so grateful for grace. I am so thankful that "it is God who works in me to will and to act according to His good purpose" (Philippians 2:13) and that "I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13). There is no way I could do it on my own - but God knew that and He provided for that. How lucky am I to have a God like that?

My role is to be faithful to God, to seek Him first and let Him put everything else in my life into place as I am obedient to what He asks me to do. What simple pleasures and what rich promises await as I do that! I love letting Him order my days and my priorities, and trusting Him to bring the most important ones to fruition in alignment with His will. I love resting in His promise that He will be faithful to complete the work He started in me (Philippians 1:6).

So what to do with the disconnect? I will persevere in God, not in myself. My goal is to "proclaim Him... struggling with all His energy, which so powerfully works in me." (Colossians 1:28, 29). Gotta love the journey!